


Recovery

by lord_fodz



Series: Documentary: Memoirs of the first Galactic Heros [2]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 05:38:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1970964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lord_fodz/pseuds/lord_fodz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part 2 of the series:</p><p>Shepard is awake and he is shocked to learn what has happened in his coma.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Recovery

It started with a flash, a blue wave began this new existence. In eternal darkness, I saw it, a face so pure, so full of love, I reached out for it as it faded back into the darkness. In the everlasting silence, a voice, an angelic hymn seeped through, I searched for that voice that calmed my soul, but it too was gone. In this endless night, nothing existed, emptiness creeped all around, only the voice of hope, and the face of heaven stood between me and the edge, his face, and his voice saved me from my eternal demise. 

But voices are materializing, increasing in numbers as the threads of time weave by. A few words start making their way through, “Stable”, “Make it”, “Love you, Shepard”, “won’t leave his side”, hints to what lies beyond this existence. As I ponder, cracks of light make there way across the dark skies, like flashes of yellow lightning. Slowly, but surely, the darkness is ceasing, and I am learning for the first time what light is. Wait, but how, what is this sensation, what is happening to me, I am no longer this existence, I…..I can feel things, I am alive.

I know this feeling, I did it before, I told myself that this is not new to me, all I needed to do was remember, and with this thought, my brain started relearning everything it instinctively knew how to do. It started learning again every muscle in my body, it started firing up neurons to the tip of my extremities, yes, yes, its coming back, I remember, I have toes, and legs, a penis, stomach, fingers, arms, shoulders, mouth, ears, and eyes. Yes eyes, I remember now, the light shining through the darkness, I can see that with my eyes. With a simple thought that made me believe that the next move was not something learned, but instinct, I opened my eyes. 

The first few seconds were nothing more than a bright haze, as my eyes adjusted to this new concept of seeing. Slowly things started appearing, I could see nothing but white. A sharp sound was making its way through the silence, it was consistent, once every second or so, it was more like a ping, no, a beep. I started to turn my head to my left, the light was so powerful, but the image was clearing through. Large buildings covered in this green stuff, and in the distance, I could see a large structure, highlighted by rays of light. Where am I, I wondered as I looked to my left, nothing but screens, but at least I can now see the source of the beep. I slowly sat up as the rest of the neurons started firing up again, everything was coming back slowly, things were shaping, and I was starting to understand again.

I now knew that I am in some sort of medical facility, that beeping sound was that of my heart monitor, and on my left, that was a view of a place I’ve seen before, but where, where were those buildings with green plants crawling up their side, and what seems like a river in the middle, the only word that came to mind was elias, but what is elias. As I sat, wondering what is going on, I saw something that made the heart monitor beep faster, in the corner of the room was a small couch, on this couch lay that man, his face is what I remember, it was that face that kept me from non-existence. The man laid on the couch, sleeping in a most serene view, but who was he, Kay, Kaydon, Kaidin, yes Kaidan, his name was Kaidan, and i knew him well. I don’t remember how I knew him, or how he knew me, my mind didn't know him, but deep down, it felt like my heart belonged to him.

As I stared at this Kaidan, whom my heart knew before my head, this beautiful woman walked through the door, but wait, she’s blue, with tentacles on her head, she’s an Asari. She approached me and started to produce the most obnoxious thing I’ve heard, not obnoxious, just loud, she was talking to me. It took me a few seconds but I started to make out her words “Commander Shepard, welcome back”, I immediately raised my hand to her, signaling her to stop talking in that voice, pointing out that the man is sleeping and I don’t want her to wake him up. 

She shook her head in agreement and then whispered “how are you feeling Commander”, why was she calling me commander, and Shepard, yes, thats my name, John Shepard. I nodded and whispered back “I think I am ok, where am I”, she smiled at me and said “you are at a medical facility on Ilos Commander, you have been out for a while now”. Ilos, yes, its Ilos, I remembered that name before, so I asked “What happened”, she looked at me with a hint of worry in her eyes “Do you know who you are”, I nodded “yes, I think I am John Shepard”, her worried look started to subside “ok, thats good, and do you remember anything about the battle, or the citadel, or the Reapers”. It’s a weird feeling when the brain starts to process all this new information that always existed, it feels like being hit by an asteroid, images appearing so fast, sounds, sights, feelings. I remembered Sovereign, the collectors, Harbinger, the citadel, the crucible, the catalyst, a choice given to me, everything, everything came back. “The reapers, the reapers are destroyed” I asked with concern, she smiled back at me and said “you’re a hero Commander, you saved the entire galaxy”. A feeling of warm relief swept through me as I realized that the threat that lingered over my head for the past 4 years, the threat that killed me once and took countless other lives was gone. 

As my relief culminated, I turned my head to Kaidan, I asked the nurse “How long has he been here”, she looked at me with this reddish smile and said “he never left your side Commander”, confused, I asked back “how long have I been here”, “you have been in a coma for about six weeks now”. Six weeks, for six weeks Kaidan has been sleeping on this tiny couch, for six weeks he sat here, waiting for me. It started to make sense now, that voice, the voice that gave me hope when I had none, that was Kaidan’s voice, and that face was his. In a faint whisper I said “I love you”, the nurse teared up as she heard my declaration, and then she told me everything, how Kaidan never left the room for one second, how he would agonize in pain on that couch when his episodes came, they begged him to check him in to a room that was close to mine and provide him with a sedative or a blocker, but he refused, he slept, ate, drank, changed, and did everything here, not leaving once for six whole weeks. I could see why the nurse’s eyes were tearing, because mine were too, that was the greatest act of love I have ever seen from Kaidan, from any being, and as he slept there, I felt that I would want nothing more from life if I can just hold him in my arms till the end of time. The nurse then flicked her omni-tool and said “I know that I shouldn’t give you this, and the Major would probably kill me if he knew I did, but me and the other staff thought that you deserved to see this”, she pressed something and my omni-tool flashed, it was a command code for a series of video footage. As I looked at her with great confusion, she smiled and said “watch it, you’ll see”, before I could even flinch she added “now commander, the Dr. told me to call him the moment you wake up so that he can run tests, shall I bring him over”. My mind was set on that video she sent me, what was in there, what am I going to see, as I drifted off in my thoughts, the nurse pulled me back “Commander, is it ok if the Dr. comes by now for some tests”, I looked at her with a pleading look “No, please, I don’t want to wake Kaidan up now, I’ll let you know when I am ready for visits”. “Ok then, this here is the privacy lock, in case you need some alone time without interruption, and as soon as you’re ready, press this here and I will bring over the good Dr., ok”, I shook my head “thank you”, she smiled at me as she made her way out of the room.

I initiated the privacy mode. Before I could watch the footage, I needed a few moments to process everything, from what I can tell, I beat the reapers by ordering the catalyst to destroy them, then I blacked out, and somehow made my way to Ilos, where I spent the last six weeks in a coma, with Kaidan by my side every day. Now I was curious to see what that video was all about, I checked my omni-tool, and executed the command to run the video. The omni-tool immediately projected what seemed to be a 3D image of a room, similar to the one I was in, a few seconds and Kaidan walked through the door, proceeded to the window and stood in silence, looking out at the view with the most heart breaking of looks, I’ve never seen him like that. He had one arm crossed and one hand covering his eye, if I didn’t know better I’d say he was crying. A few minutes later, a Turian walked into the room announcing himself as Dr. Cabala, Kaidan shook his hand as the Dr. spoke “Major, as you know the commander was brought to us in the most dire of situations”, Kaidan’s look of despair seemed to get more and more intense as he nodded along, the Dr. continued “a few hours ago, we were able to safely remove him from his armor without dropping the stasis field, his burns were severe, and the internal damage to his organs was critical, to say the least. But we were able to repair most of the damage to his tissue by use of ionic laser regeneration, the damage to his organs has been reversed and his skin is being healed as we speak”. For a second, Kaidan’s expression turned hopeful as he said “so he’s gonna make it”. The Dr. looked down as he delivered the next piece of news “unfortunately Major, we have no way of knowing if the Commander can pull out of this one, the brain trauma he sustained seems to be severe and the odds of…”, Kaidan interrupted him “but you just said that you fixed the damage to his organs, doesn’t that include the brain”, the Dr. nodded as he added “well yes, but, well, think of it this way major, if a computer has its software and hardware damaged in an accident, replacing the hardware won’t bring the software back if its gone”. Kaidan looked as if he had been struck by lightning, he stood silent as the Dr. explained more “Major, I am not saying the commander is gone, I am just letting you know what we will be facing soon”. Kaidan started to get the Dr.’s point “ok, so what exactly are we facing Dr.”, the Dr. replied “well, in a few hours, his skin should be completely healed and we will bring him up to this room, we will drop his stasis field and proceed to stimulate his cardio and neural centrals. The first few seconds after dropping the stasis field are the most critical, if his body doesn’t respond to the stimulations, then our chances of bringing him back would severely diminish, should both systems respond, the first 24 hours are our second danger zone, if he survives, then our chances just shot up to 2 digits”. Kaidan nodded, he looked like his heart was about to jump out of his chest, never before have I seen him so distraught, but he finally said “Ok”, the Dr. gave him a reassuring nod and said “major, know that we will do anything to bring the Commander back, now I have to go and check on his progress, I will let you know when we are ready to bring him up”. Kaidan thanked the Dr. as he returned to the window again, the same look of despair haunted him again. The video went into auto forward as quick images appeared, containing nothing, mostly Kaidan pacing around the room, then, about 5 or 6 hours later, Liara walked in the room, she immediately proceeded to Kaidan and asked “how is he doing”, “he is in regeneration now, the Dr. said that they will bring him up in an hour or so”, Liara stroke Kaidan’s arm as she asked “are you ok, do you need me to bring you anything”, Kaidan shook his head in silence. 

Another hour and forty five minutes skipped through before the video resumed. This time the footage started with Kaidan standing in the corner, Liara holding him, while several medical personnel made their way into the room, a nurse came up to Kaidan and said “we will be bringing him in now, please stay out of the Dr.s’ way as they work”. All signs of stress shot on Kaidan’s face, a few moments later, about 12 doctors came barging in the room, surrounding a Med bed engulfed in a stasis field. The doctors were all yelling to each other simultaneously as they attached countless cables to the bed and were working on their omni-tools, data pads and on the screens that were in the room. I couldn’t see clearly who was on the bed, but it didn’t really take a lot of investigative work to figure out that I was lying there, this clip seemed to be a very early clip, probably just after my arrival here. Dr. Cabala was standing at the head of the bed, and Dr. Chakawas was at the other end. After checking that all systems have been secured and that all medical equipment is functioning properly, Dr. Cabala yelled “alright people, this is the moment of truth”, as he counted down from 5, I could see Kaidan’s face losing gallons of blood with each second. As he reached zero, he executed the command on his omni-tool, and the stasis field dropped. “Now people now, lets go, lets go, lets go”, the medical personnel started running around the bed doing all sorts of things to try and wake me up, the Dr. yelled “Ok, I need a 3 minute timer on the screen”. It wasn’t really clear why 3 minute was the number that he chose, but it was clear that they had 3 minutes to revive me or the window would have passed, and I along with it. The countdown went by in almost a heart beat, close to the 30 second mark, I was waiting for the Dr. to yell “we have him back”, but it never came, 20 seconds, 10 seconds, 5…4…3…2…1, the sound of the flat heart monitor was all that could be heard as the medical personnel started to take a step back. Dr. Cabala looked to the floor.

Kaidan in the corner was losing it, he was crying hysterically as he fell to the floor, Liara immediately wrapped her arms around him as she was trying to console him. “Call it”, the Dr. yelled, but before anybody could breathe, Kaidan jumped up and yelled “NOOOOOO”. As a biotic glow engulfed him, he pushed through the Dr.s’ ranks and reached my bed, as soon as he touched my chest, a bright wave of energy flashed out of my body, knocking everyone off their feet except Kaidan, then the transmission cut. A few seconds later, the image was restored, I could see all the Dr.s wobbling as they got to their feet, Dr. Cabala yelled to the nurse “get him out of here”. Kaidan and Liara were escorted out. As they reached the outside corridor, I could see him, falling onto his knees, hands over his eyes, crying uncontrollably, again Liara was holding him in her arms, but this time she was crying too. I couldn’t get myself to continue watching, I needed a few seconds to calm down. I hated seeing Kaidan like this, hated the fact that I caused him this much pain, I couldn’t bare the thought.

I continued the footage, a few minutes passed after Kaidan and Liara were thrown out, Dr.s started walking out of the room shaking their head, many had expressions of disbelief on their faces, but neither Kaidan nor Liara saw these Dr.s. Then Dr. Cabala and Dr. Chakawas came out, Dr. Chakawas was the one doing the talking now “Kaidan”, he stood up, with blood red eyes filled with tears, Karen looked at him with a look of deep confusion, maybe even amazement “Kaidan, I don’t know how to tell you this”, at this point Kaidan continued his tearing, he couldn’t help himself as he bent down in pain, “Kaidan, non of us thought the commander had a chance after the window passed, but somehow, you brought him back”. Kaidan stopped for a second, straightened himself, and looked at Karen “What”, Karen smiled as she delivered the news “Kaidan, he is alive, your power discharge or whatever that was brought him back”. Kaidan wiped the tears of his cheek as he asked “He made it, are you telling me he is alive”, Dr. Cabala was the one who answered that “yes major, he pulled through the first obstacle, now we need to monitor him closely the next 24 hours and hope he makes it through”. Kaidan completely ignored Cabala’s words as he ran and hugged Karen, He asked her “can I see him”, she smiled and said “yes you can”. Kaidan came in the room running and immediately stood by my side, he grabbed my hand and raised it to his face, his tears were making their way down my arm as he kissed my hand with immense relief. I paused the video at this shot, Kaidan holding my hand, his tears covering it, and he is kissing it. A thought then hit me hard, that bluish wave or flash I experienced in my dream, that was Kaidan, it was him who pulled me out of the darkness, that is why I was seeing his face, its why I heard his voice, my subconscious must have known that and manifested those images and sounds.  
After this realization, the tears in my eyes increased exponentially, I couldn’t believe what just happened, Kaidan brought me back from the dead, he gave me life again. It was such a weird feeling, it was a pure and rare manifestation of love, it showed me the capacity of unspoken affection Kaidan had, and I was sure that he had much more. While I was looking at the still image of him holding my hand, Kaidan was starting to wake up. I think he didn’t notice me at first, his head was turned towards the window, looking outside with his cute morning look, his hair was messed, and his eyes were puffy, but my heart still skipped a beat at this sight, all I could think was how all I wanted was to wake up next to this gorgeous mess everyday for the rest of my life. As I turned off my omni-tool, he saw me, it took him a second or so before realizing that I was awake and sitting up. Our first eye contact lasted a mere second, but it was enough, looking into Kaidan’s eyes again was enough to know that all I just witnessed was just the tip of the Kaidanburg’s love. He shot me a warm smile as he made his way to my bed, more like dashed his way to me. Standing by my side, he started scanning me from top to bottom, as if he was trying to find something inconsistent with what he was seeing. He put his hand my face as he said “you’re really awake”, I smiled back and said “If I wasn’t could I do this”, I grabbed him and kissed him a long overdue kiss. I think Kaidan never knew how amazing he is as a kisser, its not that he’s skilled, in fact he’s very clumsy and he always seems lost, probably couldn’t find his way around with a navigator, but his kiss is so pure, so full of passion, desire and love. His kiss always made me feel that “I want nothing more in life than this moment”, I would consider myself lucky if I remained in this kiss forever, but no such luck, every kiss must end. And as this one did, he put his hands around my neck and started to cry, “tears of joy” he said as he was trying to breathe. I hugged him back and said “it’s ok, I am here, I am here Kai”, as I said that, he cried even harder. 

I never saw Kaidan cry before, never felt this level of vulnerability from him. From the moment I met Kaidan, I knew that he had a lot of trouble trusting people, and it was clear that he had a hard time with first impressions. A few weeks in, after several attempts from me to try and get him to open up, to warm up to me, he finally told me the reason behind his severe trust incapabilities. Rahna, a horrible, manipulative witch of an ex-girlfriend broke his heart so bad, that the idea of being with another person again was almost out of the question. It seemed that it took a lot for him to open up to Rahna in the first place, to have her stomp on his heart the way she did, in cold blood, was unbearable for him, and only because he was trying to protect her, and in his wake, he did the mistake of taking it too far; things happen, sometimes people get hurt, but that by itself is not indicative of a person’s nature. 

The first time I met Kaidan, Anderson had warned me about him beforehand. After accepting the post of XO on the Normandy, the alliance’s most advanced Frigate, Anderson met with me in advance to discuss the crew, he told me that most crew members were not going to be happy with this assignment because Priestly was supposed to take over, but also, most would have passive feelings about the matter. He told me that I should only be concerned with a few members, namely, a Lt. named Kaidan Alenko. As I walked into the flight deck for the first time, I didn’t know what to expect of Kaidan, would he punch me, use his infamous biotic abilities against me, would he just cower away in silence, I really had a mess of ideas there. As Anderson introduced us, I saw the hate in Kaidan’s eyes, but I also saw something else, capacity, a capacity for unspeakable levels of love. After Cheryl died in the blitz, and after her unforgivable betrayal with her scientist friend, I knew that I would eventually find love again, but I never imagined that I could fall in love in an instant with another guy, I mean sure, I may have experimented once or twice with men before, and sexually, the context was there, but having a relationship with another guy, it just wasn’t in the plans for me, or so I thought. Seeing Kaidan stand their, being so protective of his old XO, with this defiant look in his eyes, it took a lot of energy to not get turned on. As he was showing me around, all I could see in front of me was his muscular white ass, beautifully rolling with every step he took. The next few weeks were brutal for me, I wanted to get to the bottom of this feeling, why was I falling for this guy, that clearly hates my guts, why when he spoke to me with that tone of aggression, all I could think of was how much I wanted to drop him to the floor, rip all his clothes off and have my way with him. I have always been a guy that likes to have his way with things, so, several times, I followed him into the men’s room as he was getting ready to take a shower, I would pretend to be showering too in the stall next to him, or shaving, and sneak a peak, taking in that beautiful well defined body, those pecks that run down into these chiseled abs leading to his pelvis, which in turn is sculptured to point the way to his perfectly shaped groin. His backside was a whole different experience, those strong broad shoulders, with defining muscles all around, then a continuous line falls down to his perfect ass. Each time he was in the shower, I would hope that his soap would fall so I can get a peak at his crack. I imagined it as a tight pink hole engulfed between those two large cantaloupes. It took more strength than that required in the battle with Sovereign to keep my hard on concealed when I saw him. After these steamy showers, I always needed a good pipe cleaning, and guess who was the subject of my desires, yep Lt. Kaidan Alenko. But I was always hunted by a question, why, why was I falling for Kaidan, it wasn’t just lust, this was the alliance for crying out loud, perfectly shaped bodies were a strong bi product of ours, there must have been another reason for this boyish infatuation I was experiencing. I later discovered what it was.

Back at Ilos, it took Kaidan at least 15-20 minutes to calm down, during which he had his arms around my neck the whole time. I felt how scared he was, how worried he must have felt over the past weeks, a part of me was actually smiling inside, the feel that somebody missed me, not John Shepard, hero to the galaxy, but me, John, it was a feeling that members of all species search for, sometimes for their entire lives, and fail to find. From that moment on, I knew that my life with Kaidan was about to take a step forward. After he let go of me, he grabbed a chair and sat right by my side, he held my hand, the same one in the video, and started unconsciously stroking every finger, like his mind was making sure that they were alive and there. I struggled to find a way to start talking, what should I say, hows the weather, how are you doing, or should I say what I really want to say, I missed you so much Kaidan, I didn’t think that it was possible to miss someone this much, especially if you are in a coma, but thats how I felt. It was like the last time we were in each other’s arms was centuries ago, I missed feeling his breath against my chest, I missed seeing his face first thing in the morning, I missed his prune attitude, I missed all the small things that makes Kaidan Alenko the man that he is. 

As the silence continued for a few more minutes, I looked at him, ready to tell him all that was in my heart. Then I blurted out “So. What did I miss”, seriously, I thought, thats what I wanted to say, but Kaidan didn’t seem surprised, he stroked my hand a bit more before saying “Well you missed a hell lot, where do I begin”. He looked up for a second then back to me with those beautiful caramel eyes. Many people throughout the years told me that my eyes were one of my most prominent features, hell, Cheryl told me that the first thing she fell in love with were my eyes, but all those people, including Cheryl, apparently never looked into Kaidan’s eyes. Those beautiful brown orbs radiate something different, they are full of peace, looking in them you can see love, you can feel purity. Looking into Kaidan’s eyes always gave me a sense of serenity, like everything is going to be ok, life itself couldn’t shake this feeling, I always thought that one of the reasons I was able to survive the most insane missions was because of this sensation. So Kaidan looks back at me and says “Ok, lets take it chronologically, in the time of our greatest need and least resources available, Liara, Tali EDI, and Traynor were able to develop a new drive, we tested it for the first time when we came here to Ilos”. I was confused, it seems Kaidan was missing a few bits and pieces here and there, “Kaidan, start over, why are we here in the first place”. He must have realized his error, so he corrected “Ok, when we found you on earth you were close to…you know”, he said with a glint of sadness in his eyes, but I got the point, he continued “to the best of our knowledge, all medical facilities that had the capabilities to bring you back were destroyed by the Reapers, Liara then broke her silence about many things. Well it seems the shadow broker was busy, while helping us, she was putting all her resources in creating this base, and many more like it, all around the galaxy, in the most isolated sectors. She thought these bases would provide adequate shelter to survivors, at least long enough for the reaper invasion to end”. 

I pondered what Kaidan was saying, to be honest, that sounded like an insane idea, insane yet genius. “wow, Liara did all that behind our backs”, I said while raising my hands to point to our surroundings. Kaidan nodded as he continued “so we knew where we’d go to save you, but we didn’t know how to get there. It seems the Crucible used the relays to deliver its final wave of destruction, taking out all relays in known space with it. So Liara and Tali, and EDI and Traynor came up with this ingenious idea, a patch really, what it did was it realigned the mass effect field emitters with the FTL core, and lots of technobabble later, this patch would allow the Normandy to create its own space-time corridors, just like the relays, but instead of having one at each end to regulate the entry and exit procedures, we would calculate our route, and then adjust the corridor to throw us out at its end, kind of like a hose if you will, you expand and retract it to adjust for the distance you want your water to come out”. I was baffled, was Kaidan on some sort of Asari weed or something, space-time corridors, hoses, what the hell. “Kai, what the hell are you talking about”, he looked at me with a delight in his eyes and with a chuckle said “Shepard, the Alliance now has ships with instantaneous interstellar capabilities, we call them FTL jumps, and the new drive is called a jump drive, you get the picture”. Wow, Alliance ships are now capable of interplanetary travel without relays, that was amazing news. “Wow, that is huge”, Kaidan nodded in agreement as I added “but how did you get Hackett to approve something like that, or did you just go for it”. Kaidan looked surprised that I would even ask him something like that, well he broke the rules once for me, it was a fair assumption. He tilted his head with a skeptical look “No, I didn’t break the rules for you again, learned that the hard way the last time”, he chuckled with his “I love you” puppy look, but then he continued “Hackett was easy to convince, this new drive promised to return many of the Alliance’s ships that were stuck in months of FTL travel, so he approved it with the hopes of both saving you and saving as many alliance ships as possible”. That made sense somehow, Hackett was a reasonable visionary that took a chance more often than not, at least he did with me. “So, the jump drive worked, almost instantly, the Normandy was thrown across the galaxy, and we ended up somewhere in this system, but Ilos wasn’t near by. Anyways, the jump caused the Normandy to lose main power systems, and we had to run on auxiliary for a while. We had to move quickly, so we headed for the shuttle bay, unfortunately we had no shuttles at this point, but we did have the hammerhead and the Mako, thanks to you, so we boarded the hammerhead”. I was surprised, “you boarded the hammerhead to escape the Normandy no way they would survive atmospheric entry. Why didn’t you just use an escape pod”, Kaidan’s eyes widened, as if the idea surprised him, “I don’t know why we didn’t think of that, the idea of ESCAPE PODS, yeah genius Shepard”, it was clear he was trying to be sarcastic, but did a lousy job at it. “Do you always make fun of your commanders like that major, or just the injured ones you’re holding their hand”, he smiled as he gently put his other hand on mine, clearly realizing how much he missed me. “fine, keep it serious, many of the pods were damaged during battle, and the ones that weren’t, suffered extreme power shortages, plus we couldn’t move the Med bed into an escape pod. Anyways, the hammerhead wasn’t meant to bring us in, all we needed to do was launch it and get close enough to establish a connection with the base, then once we did, they would send out a rescue ship”. The plan made a little more sense now, I said to Kaidan “wow, for a minute there I thought my insane attitude rubbed on you a little, among other things” I shot him a coy smile, and he responded in kind. “So long story short”, “too late”, “will you let me finish, or do you want to guess what happens next. Anyways, we got to the base, and the medical team started to work on getting you back”, I half expected that he would mention the incident with the biotic discharge and the whole weird shockwave from my body thing, he didn’t. “While they were working on you, Liara and her tech team on the base took a research team back to the Normandy to study the effect of the Jump on the ship, and develop recommendations and prototypes for wide use. It took them about a week to get the specs right, and about a day or two more to develop and test a prototype. So after the prototype drive was finally ready, Joker and EDI took the Normandy back to the fleet with the Drive specs and the equipment necessary to modify most ships. Within two days, preparations were made to have half the fleet jump to Ilos and the other half jump to earth. Only when the ships finally made the jump, about two dozen went missing, till now we are not sure whether their drive miscalculated their trajectory, or something happened and they perished, EDI and Liara are running their tests as we speak”. 

As Kaidan finished his last sentence, a ping went off, signaling that someone was at the door. I had totally forgotten that I had set the room to privacy mode. As I unlocked the door, the Turian Dr. named Cabala, the one I saw in the video, came rushing in. “Commander Shepard, I heard you were awake”, he paused and looked at me with an incriminating look, “an hour ago” he added. “Yes I was Dr., I just needed some time alone with Kai, if you don’t mind”, “I do actually, we need to run tests immediately to make sure everything is running as it should”. I felt a little irritated my his manner, I knew that he was just making sure I was in a safe condition, but does he have to be an ass about it. “Dr., your tests can wait, I am trying to have a decent conversation here with the Kai, so leave us, or do I have to show how well I am”, my biotic amp came flashing on, as the blue haze covered my body. But Kaidan suddenly jumped out of his seat, “its ok Shepard, let the Dr. do his Job, we don’t want anything to go”, his eyes slowly, involuntarily made their way down to my groin region, as he sighed out a silent mmm, and said “missing”. Electricity shot through me, not just because his eyes were there, mentally undressing me, but because, Kai, Major Kaidan Alenko was for once comfortable enough to check me out in front of strangers, how long was I out. He stepped back as the Dr. came in, with an annoyed look I said “fine, do your thing”.

It took the Dr. about an hour to finish his tests, with every second, I wanted to throw him out and continue talking with Kaidan. Finally, when he was done, he looked at me and said “Preliminary tests look fine, supplementary tests should come back this evening”. I nodded with an irritated smile on my face and said “good, now can I have some time alone with my boyfriend, or do you want to check my prostate again”, wow, boyfriend, I realized there that this was the first time I called Kaidan my boyfriend, I mean we talked about being a couple, I even told him that I loved him, but the definition never actually took place”. The Dr. didn’t catch the sarcastic tone as he answered “no, prostate seems fine”, he then proceeded to leave the room as he looked back and said “I will pass by tonight with the results”. I was finally relieved that he left, I didn’t know why I was being such an a-hole to him, but my guess was because he treated Kaidan badly, throwing him out of the room like that when he was only trying to save me. I had bigger issues to deal with, I said boyfriend in front of Kaidan, was I being presumptuous, I assumed that we were continuing where we left off before the battle, but we didn’t really say it officially. Sensing what I thought, Kaidan came over, grabbed my hand again, this time he was looking at it, gently stroking my ring finger in particular as he said “boyfriend, I like that, I am John Shepard’s boyfriend, Galactic Savior”, I couldn’t keep myself from smiling, and with a little chuckle I said “So, do I still have a place in your heart, Kaidan”, he smiled as his hands made their way to the side of my face “I don’t know what you’re talking about Shepard, my heart has been yours since I met you, I just didn’t know it then”, he slowly kissed me tenderly. 

As we kissed, another ping came through, I pulled back as I said “Son of a …… are we not going to have any time for ourselves”, Kaidan went to open the door as he said “Relax Shepard, we will have plenty of time later, after we’re sure you are alright, I promise, ok”. Kaidan opened the door, this time, to my surprise, it wasn’t a medical personnel, technically not, it was Liara, and shockingly, Garrus. What was shocking wasn’t that Garrus was there, but that they were holding hands as they came into the room. I nearly fell off the bed, as I realized what this meant, “Oh my god, you two are together”, I was in shock as I looked at Kaidan and said “Really Kai, FTL drives and hammerheads, you couldn’t take a few seconds ahead to tell me oh, by the way, Garrus and Liara are a couple now”. He laughed back as he said “Well, I was giving you the news chronologically”, I looked at him with the same irritated look I gave the Dr. earlier “anymore couples, I should know about”, he continued laughing as he said “well, I don’t know about should, but lets just say the Reapers new nickname is cupid”. Liara and Garrus joined Kaidan’s laugh, and I too, instinctively did, then Liara came to my side, as I looked at her, she wasn’t the same, something was different about her. I couldn’t quite figure it out, it was like she was glowing, not a biotic amp glow, a different kind, it then hit me, Oh my god, it looked like no one in the room other than Liara knows, so I kept my mouth shut. 

Liara put her hand on my arm as she looked at me in silence, her eyes were tearing up, as she said “thank the goddess you are ok, I was really worried for a time there”. Garrus stood at the edge of my bed, I didn’t notice this before, but for the first time, Garrus was out of armor, he was wearing a Turian dignitary suit, “Garrus, you look so…… sharp”, he chuckled as he said “well, I finally got tired from saving your fat ass, so, I took this look up to send you the hint”. I laughed, but I was still curious, “haha, well at least you could have worn something nice, did you steal that out of a museum or something”. He looked at me with a serious eye “This is the official outfit for the Turian Hierarchy’s vice-prime, you’d better respect it Shepard, or there will be hell to pay”, “Turian vice-prime, thats impressive Garrus”, I said while shooting Kaidan another look of disbelief, he raised his hands in the air in a clear gesture thats saying “What”. “So, how many generals did you have to kill to get the job”, he continued laughing as he said “not as much as I would’ve wanted, the reapers took care of that for me, and when I went back to Palaven, Primarch Victus informed me that he needed my aid to restore order to the hierarchy, so I said yes”. I was truly amazed and proud of Garrus, he really came so far, from a C-Sec officer leading a dead end investigation into Spectre actions, to second in command for one of the most powerful civilizations in the galaxy. I looked at both him and Liara as I said “wow, a Turian vice-prime, dating the shadow broker, could there be any other couple more powerful than this, the galaxy needs to watch out for you two now”. For a second, we were all laughing before Liara said “well, what are we next to the first couple of the galactic community”, she smiled as she looked at Kaidan, then me. 

It was weird seeing Garrus being such a gentleman, or gentleturian, bringing Liara a chair to sit next to me, acting so tame, it was unsettling. So I looked to Liara and asked “So, how did you get the great archangel to settle down, potions, spells, ancient asari sex rituals, what exactly”, she gave me this shy smile as she said “I didn’t really, it just happened”. They proceeded to tell me about how they got close in the weeks leading to the battle, how after they survived, their need for each other led them to be a couple, she looked at me and said “I guess we owe you a great debt of gratitude, our grief for you was the strongest catalyst to our bond”. I was so touched that I was the reason they finally saw love together, even though I was in a coma and was probably drooling all over myself then, but still, great feeling. 

Before they could continue, another ping came through, Kaidan opened the door, and to my surprise, intense surprise, David Anderson walked in, Kahlee Sanders in his arm. All I could say was “For the love of god Kai, get your stories straight”, Anderson looked confused as he stood next to Garrus, “Commander Shepard, well well, it looks like the rumors were true, you really do have a guardian angel on your shoulder”, I smiled to him as I looked at Kaidan, “no sir, I just have one by my side”, I think Anderson got the idea because he looked at Kaidan and smiled. “So Commander, how are you feeling”, I looked at Anderson with a most confused look, “eh, good enough for you to call me John, or are we back to formalities Admiral”, he laughed as he said “no, no, David will be fine”. A second later another ping came through, all I could think of was if this room can hold the entire galaxy in it, or whats left of it. Kaidan opened the door and my mom came rushing through, with Admiral Hackett by her side. She practically leaped over Liara to throw a hug around my neck, I instantly looked at her and said “oh my god mom, you too, is there any single person left in this galaxy”. Mom looked back at me, her face all confused, she then looked around the room, saw Anderson and Sanders and Liara and Garrus, she got it, then said “No, no, the admiral and I just happened to come together, nothing is going on here”. I don’t know why, but I felt relieved and disappointed at the same time, it was a weird, confusing feeling, I felt relieved because my mom was still faithful to my dad, wherever he is, and disappointed because I wanted to see my mom happy again. Hackett made his way to the other side of Garrus’s, as he came to a stop he smiled and said, “Shepard, savior of all, how are you feeling today”. I straightened myself a little, realizing that I was talking to the Admiral of the fleet, I answered him “I am feeling well sir, looking to go back to duty, sir”. Hackett laughed for some reason as he said “wow, even after you saved our collective lives, do you really think things will be the same for you ever again commander, or should I say Admiral”. The words took some effort to register as Hackett said “yes Shepard, as highest ranking member of the military, I am officially promoting you to the rank of Admiral, for now”. I smiled in surprise, “Thank you sir, but Admiral, thats a few pay grades above my own, sir”. He laughed a little as he explained “well, the way I see it Shepard, saving earth would have gotten you to commodore, saving the Sol would have maybe gotten a Rear admiral, or vice Admiral if you saved several Alliance systems, but saving the entire Galaxy, thats a full fledged admiral, at the very least”. I laughed at Hackett’s attempted humor, the first I must say, as I replied “Sir, this is a huge honor, thank you”. He nodded as he said “the Alliance, nay, the galaxy needs you Shepard, its the least we could do. We need people like you to rebuild everything, you and the Vice Admiral here”, he said as he pointed to Kaidan, but Kaidan didn’t seem surprised, he knew all along, I turned my gaze to Kaidan and said “seriously, you’re kidding me right, and all I get out of you is a freakin drive”. Hackett looked confused, “Ah, I see that Vice Admiral Alenko filled you in on our latest technological advancement” he said, “we were able to commence immediate repairs, the surviving fleet successfully made its way back to earth, and the ships stuck in FTL were able to follow too. If it wasn’t for Dr. T’soni here and her foresight, her preparations for the full blown reaper attack, we never would have been able to make it this quickly. Dr. T’soni, the Alliance owes you for all your actions”, he said as he courteously bowed to Liara, and she bowed back, he then added “well, I am needed back at earth, Hannah, do you need me to send the Kilimanjaro back to pick you”, the way Hackett said my mother’s name implied that something weird was going on there, usually he called her Admiral Shepard, or Rear Admiral Shepard, it was just weird. My mom shook her head, as her gaze continued to focus on me, as if no one in the room existed but me. Hackett then said “Ok then, Shepard, its good to see you up and about again soldier, take your time getting back, but I expect you back to duty”, I smiled to him as I said “Can’t wait sir”, he nodded back with a smile and said “Ok, the guardian council won’t wait for me forever, take care, all of you”. He turned and headed for the door as he finally added “and Shepard, I owe you one”. 

The next few hours flew right by, as I sat there, chatting with everyone, to my surprise, Tali decided to stop by, walking in hand in hand with Kal’Reegar, the marine officer that saved her life on Haestrom. Apparently, couples were forming all around, kind of like a survival celebration. We all talked about our first meeting, how Garrus believed I was probably going to run the Normandy into an asteroid field by mistake, how Tali thought that I was a poor shot, and how Liara was sure that I was going to point that mining laser at her and blow her out. We had an amazing time together, it was nice to see everyone smiling for once, no reaper threat in the distance, just genuine enjoyment. A little thing that everyone seemed to agree on was that they all knew that I had feelings for Kaidan way before we started seeing each other, or officially dating. Garrus said “c’mon Shepard, during those nights we had, when we sat at the mess, I felt like I needed to hose you down every few minutes just to get you down”, they laughed as Liara added “that’s true, when we went on that mission at Zhu’s hope, the Thorian wasn’t the only being firing hormones, for a second there I didn’t think that Kaidan stood a chance against those Shep-mones”. Tali practically fell off Kal’s lap laughing when she heard that “Keelah se’lai Shepard, you remember that time on the Citadel, when we were buying supplies before the Virmire mission, Kaidan dropped something on the floor and bent down to get it, you nearly caused a diplomatic incident with the Hanar when you bumped into one and pushed it over the railing into the lake”. Although I was glad to see everyone laughing, including Kaidan, I was a little embarrassed by the fact that everyone noticed, and then Anderson added “well, that visit you gave me after Cerberus brought you back, you didn’t seem like Kaidan was on your mind at all”, he said as he laughed, then continued “not at all, just seemed that you are about to pull a muscle holding back the question”. I think Kaidan realized how uncomfortable I must have been, because he walked over to my side, and put his hand on my shoulder, while he didn’t say anything at that point, I knew that he was trying to show me how much he appreciated all those feelings, how much he shared them, and, coming from Kaidan, a sign of public affection is more than what words can say. He then smiled back at the rest of the crowd and said “hey hey, I had my moments too with Shepard, if I told you how many times I nearly choked at the site of him, you wouldn’t believe”. Their laughter intensified, however this time it was directed towards Kaidan, “oh really, was that before or after you two slept together”, “oh c’mon Kaidan, you practically passed out every time he called you Kai, in front of people, two weeks after you were together”, someone else said “what about that time they did it on the CIC deck, I half expected to hear that Kaidan was in the Med bay, recovering from a stroke”.

It was a great day, a few minutes later the door pinged, and after Kaidan opened, Miranda walked in the room. Everyone went silent, like a lioness just walked in and no one wanted to look her in the eye, out of fear of being eaten, something clearly was different, and I could have sworn that a cold, freezing breeze swept across the room. Miranda came over to my bed and hugged me, she was cold, loving, but cold, as she said “Shepard, so good to see you survived”, I smiled at her as I replied “thanks Miranda, its good to see you’re alive and well too, how have you been those past few weeks”. Miranda looked confused, she then added “Nobody told you”, I looked around the room, with the same look of confusion on my face as hers, “told me what”. She looked at Kaidan as he began to explain “Shepard, Miranda decided to take over Cerberus after the illusive man’s disappearance”. I didn’t know how to respond to that, I looked to Miranda and said “you’re back with Cerberus, after all they’ve done”. Miranda shifted her gaze to the ground as she said “Shepard, I know what you must be thinking right now, but I promise you I will use Cerberus’s resources, as well as my father’s to make amends for what they both did to the galactic community, just believe in me”. I was angry, how could she do this, Miranda tried to hold my hand, but I pulled it away from her, she got the message. She looked heart broken, and in that moment I felt something was different about Miranda, it wasn’t that she changed her look, into more of an upper echelon elite woman kind of look, but she radiated power, her attitude was signaling it all over. Miranda straightened her back as she said “I really am going to make things better Shepard, and I hope you could come to see how much Cerberus has changed under my leadership, but I also know that it would take time to trust us again, so I will give you that, its the least I owe you”. She made her way to the door, in complete silence, then she turned and said “I really am happy you are alive”, then she left. The room was silent for a few seconds later, then Anderson broke the silence “you know Shepard, as much as I hate to admit it, Miranda has been providing the alliance with a lot of resources to rebuild earth and other planets. We have ships arriving in the Sol system carrying building materials every other day, and she even provided us with war ships for protection. If you ask me, she is seeking retribution after all that she did, and what Cerberus did”. They nodded in silence as I took my time to absorb this new situation. 

My thoughts were interrupted as the floor nurse, the Asari nurse that gave me the footage, came in the room with two lunch meals in her hands, I assumed one for me and one for Kaidan. She stood in the doorway and looked at the multitude of people in the room with amazement, then said “I don’t think we have enough meals for all these people”, Liara smiled at her as she said “don’t worry Nessan, I’ve got this”, she worked a little on her omni-tool, and 15 minutes later, a group walked into the room, pushing a table filled with plates and utensils, then another 2 groups came in, and setup a sort of buffet at the end of the room, next to the couch Kaidan slept on. All immediately got up as they professed “we are starving”. Kaidan immediately got me a plate, before he even made anything for himself, even though he didn’t eat anything since he woke up 5 hours ago. It is small things like this that make me fall for Kaidan more, while he has a debilitating fear of commitment, and while he never said the words I love you, at least in audible tones, or when I was in the room, his very subtle gestures always indicated that capacity I saw in his eyes the first day we met.

The first time I realized how much Kaidan’s heart was pure was immediately after Ash’s death. It was a very hard decision to make, yet a very easy one. By Virmire, I was unsure if me and Kaidan will ever happen, I was starting to loose hope that anything will ever progress between us, but that didn’t mean I was there yet. When I heard about Ash being surrounded and Kaidan’s situation, my heart started racing, I didn’t know who should I choose. While Ash was a good soldier, by all means, she was not as effective as Kaidan, and, putting feelings aside, she was not the most effective person on the team. Putting feelings back in, I kind of disliked Ash, she was a little too full of herself, she thought that she was desirable by all, Wrex even told me once that he heard her talking with other female officers and saying that I was madly in love with her and that she wasn’t sure if she wanted to have a relationship with me or break my heart. That is all besides the fact that she hated having Liara and Garrus on board, and questioned every order I gave that included both of them. Even on Virmire, right before the attack began, I saw her aiming her gun at Wrex, I was sure she was going to shoot him, even if I talked him out of his plans. At the moment of my choice, all these memories of Ash came rushing in, then came Kaidan’s turn, unfortunately for Ash, all that came was how much I loved seeing him, and how much I enjoyed having him around, even back when he had this attitude problem with me when I first joined the Normandy, he was so cute being the head of the fake Shep resistance. I hated the fact that I needed to choose, but no offense to Ashley, she was already staring at 50% odds I’d save her even if I didn’t have Kaidan on the other side of the equation, I just didn’t like her. Kaidan was a good Lt, a good soldier, good biotic and a good team member to have, he never doubted my decisions, he didn’t mind having aliens on the Normandy and he put himself up for a mission before anyone else did. 

Although I knew that I made the right decision, I couldn’t forgive myself. I couldn’t let go of the fact that I left Ash to die there and chose Kaidan. I was a horrible human being and during the next few days, my feelings started to manifest itself. After we returned from Virmire, I locked myself in my quarters, with strict orders not to be disturbed, under the penalty of death if I have too. I spent about 2 or 3 days in bed, in the fetal position, trying to forget what I did to a member of my crew and how I thought of her. I tried drinking my troubles away, I tried punching it away, I even thought of shooting them away, but nothing worked. For 3 days, all I could do was sit on the bed and stare into the emptiness outside my window. Several members of the crew tried to come and talk to me, Liara tried many times, Garrus did too, Tali came, even Wrex knocked on the door, for a whole different reason, but he did. I noticed that Kaidan never came and I could only assume that he doesn’t want to face me at this point, I couldn’t deny that it hurt a little. By the the end of the third day, I found someone unlocking my door using omni-gel. Although I didn’t try to see who it was, I knew, it was Kaidan, I sensed it from both his footsteps and his scent. Kaidan walked over to the edge of my bed, where I still remained in the fetal position, he stood there for a while, doing nothing, saying nothing, just staring at me. Then he slowly made his way to the side of the bed I had my face to, he climbed in the bed, gave me his back, and took my arms and wrapped it around him, he basically had me spoon him. I still wasn’t talking or moving, I was basically a lifeless body, I was curious though. Kaidan spent a few breaths in silence, just siting there, his fingers intertwined with mine, feeling my breath, my heart beat, and I feeling his. Finally, he turned around and looked into my eyes and said “I won’t tell you should have saved her, I won’t say you should have saved me, because we both know in the end you would have had this tough decision”. His eyes were tearing up a little, as he was trying to catch his breath, he continued “but I will tell you this, if Ash knew how I felt about you, how much I adore you, how deeply I care for you and how I never felt this before for another human being, not even Rahna”, he stopped as his tears rolled to his cheeks and down, “She would have given everything to make sure we ended together, because, even though she didn’t act like it, she always believed that love should conquer all, and knowing that she died, and in her death love, the thing she believed in most would have a chance to live, that in itself is enough to make me survive the next day. I also know that Ash is somewhere, looking at us, and wondering why we aren’t using the chance she gave us, and why we are spending our last moments before the final battle apart”. Like a wild beast that had life blown back into them, my arms starting reacting, holding Kaidan closer, my eyes turned from lifeless to emotional, and my mouth was starting to regain its humidity again. It took a while before I could say anything to Kaidan, many things were going through my mind at that point, I was so touched that this man, that had severe problems opening up, did so for me, I was taking in the fact that he cared for me, deeply. I looked back into Kaidan’s eyes and said “you know I care for you too, right”, he smiled and nodded. That night, we slept together, not sexually, but just sat there in each other's arms, taking in everything the other has to offer, and exploring what a future for us might look like. The next morning, as I was getting out of the shower, naked for his pleasure, I asked him how come he was the one who initiated our relationship, of the two of us, I always thought I would be the person that blurted out his feelings first, he laughed and said “I don’t know, I guess when you see someone you deeply care for in trouble, you somehow forget about your own debilitations and focus only on them. I know how I felt about you for a while and I knew that you needed to hear this now”. The gesture was the beginning of many that Kaidan provided me, for a man that doesn’t love or trust easily, he taught me a lot about both. From this day on, Kaidan and I were officially taking our first steps as a couple, and things were never the same again, I guess we have Ash to thank for that. 

Back in Ilos, people were finishing with their lunch as another, surprise, 2 couples came in, this time, the shock was more than I can handle. “Holy…..now this I didn’t see, no offense EDI and Joker, you guys are old news, but Jack and Vega, how?”, I asked in complete shock. Vega looked at me with surprise “What the Fuck, you think you two are the only couple around”, to be truthful, I could see it, both had no filters and were kind of a wild card on the team, I guess this was that kind of day. “So let me get this straight, we have Garrus and Liara, Anderson and Kahlee, EDI and Joker, Tali and Kal, and Vega and Jack, was there a freakin dating service abroad the Normandy that I didn’t know about”. They all laughed as Kaidan came over to my side and said “Well, lets be fair John, we started aboard the Normandy too”, I shrugged and gave him an “ehh" gesture. So I was dying to ask the question on all of our minds, “who’s wilder in bed”, Kaidan looked at me with his usual restrain yourself look, like a mother who just had her kid ask about sex in front of everyone, “what its a fair question” I said. Jack looked at me, gave me the finger and said “wouldn’t you like to know, you fuckin pervert”. “Aw, Jack, and all it took you was 3 seconds to break out, but I am happy to see you guys, you look so cute together, you should get each others names tattooed, you know, somewhere blank”. Now 2 fingers where aimed at me. I would have loved to say that Vega and Jack together softened them, or that they were cute or anything hinting romance, but no such luck, both were still the same, seems they only were into shagging up.

By sunset, most people were starting to get tired, they have been hanging around for about 7 or 8 hours by then, time did fly by as we laughed at all the time we spent together, I forgot how I enjoyed company and how amazing down time can be. As everyone started to leave, Dr. Chakawas came in the room, looking amazed and hurt as she said “you had a reunion here and didn’t invite me, shame on you Commander Shepard”, I laughed and said “they just happen to drop by Karen, I promise you, when I get out of here, I’ll have a bigger party and you’ll be the first name on the list”, she smiled and said “well that maybe sooner than you think, I have your test results here Commander, you will be leaving tomorrow or after at most”. 

At that point, only Liara, Garrus, mom and Kaidan were in the room. I smiled to my mom and said “ok mom, you’d better get going now, its almost dark”, she looked at me with the most shocking look “I am not leaving, I am spending the night here with you”, “Mom, as much as I would love to have you spend the night with me, you know very well that your illness won’t allow it, you need to go home, if you don’t, then I will get up and leave right now”. She laughed and said “alright, alright, but I will be here first thing in the morning, ok”, “Ok, mom, I will wait for you”, I held her hand as I said “good night”. Kaidan smiled at my mom as he said “c’mon Hannah, I’ll walk you to the hub”. As Kaidan and my mom left the room, I turned to Liara and Garrus and said “ok, you two, look I need your help”, both came to my side to listen intently, “I need you to convince Kaidan to go home too, he hasn’t left here in six weeks, if I ask him to go, he won’t, but he might listen to you. Convince him to go, have a good night sleep, and then I’ll meet him tomorrow after I am discharged”, Liara and Garrus exchanged looks as Garrus replied “You know how stubborn Kaidan can be Shepard, we tried several times when you were out, he never gave us a chance”. “look, I know Kaidan is stubborn, but I have the Shadow broker and the Turian viceprime here, plus, I am fine, I am leaving tomorrow. Look, I know he isn’t saying anything, but I can see how tired he is. I will sleep in a while anyways, and in the morning I will be leaving, and if I need anything I have the nurses around”. As I finished my sentence, Kaidan walked back into the room, I looked at Liara and mumbled “Please”, she nodded in agreement.

As Kaidan reached my bed, Garrus immediately said “Ok, I think we should head out too, I am leaving for Palaven in the morning and I need to go over a few reports before I go”. I laughed at the thought that Garrus has to go over reports, I always imagined that in a situation like that, he would just use a concussive shot and claim he never got it. Although I have been out for only six weeks, it seems many of my team members have grown and matured decades. Liara nodded in agreement with Garrus as she said “good night John, I will see you in the morning”, she gave me a tight hug, then proceeded to Kaidan to hug him too, before she let go of him she said “Kaidan, can I see you outside for a minute”. Kaidan had a look of confusion on his face as he said “emm, sure”, and walked out with them. Through the glass, I could see Liara and Garrus talking to Kaidan, he was shaking his head violently, raising his arms up, looking away as Liara and Garrus pushed him hard. Finally, Kaidan started yelling, I couldn’t hear him clearly, but I think I heard a muffled “I am not leaving him Liara, end of discussion”. Thankfully Liara didn’t back down, neither did Garrus, they kept pushing. Finally Kaidan came into the room and said “Fine, I am going”, he looked hurt, he gave me a gaze full of sorrow. He grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, I then said “hey, aren’t you going to kiss me goodbye”. He dropped the jacket to the floor, made his way to my bed, gave me a huge kiss, with his eyes tearing up, god only knows why this time. He then said “I’ll be here first thing in the morning, ok”, I told him that I would be waiting for him. Kaidan left the room, followed by Garrus, then as Liara was walking out I yelled “thank you”, she gave me a smile and headed out. 

As I had a quite moment to myself, I couldn’t help but think about how Kaidan must have felt, I could definitely relate to him. When Kaidan was struck down in Mars, and when he was laying there in Heurta, I was a walking wreck. I know some people noticed and some didn’t, but going on missions while he was laying there, between life and death, it was more than I could bare. Every time I got a message or report, I half expected it to say something about Kaidan passing away. I would get a shiver at every ping I heard, expecting only the worst. I think the part that got to me most during all of this ordeal was how we left things, between Kaidan’s mistrust on the Horizon, or on Mars, or between me lashing out at him, there was just so much there that I needed to say, I didn’t care if he accused me of playing in the Cerberus ranks again, I didn’t care about anything, all I wanted was to have him back in my arms, all I needed was a chance to tell him how much I loved him again and how much I wanted to spend my life with him, I wanted to tell him that he had my heart, he had my all, long before I realized it. You see, after the whole Ash incident, and what happened in my quarters that night, the relationship between Kaidan and me was our best kept secret. We were in this phase where we were getting to know each other better. I would invite Kaidan up to my quarters under the premise that we were discussing mission reports, and then have a dinner prepared, or a drink or something. We spent hours just talking, picking each others brain. By the third of fourth night, I was getting so overwhelmed by my sexual desires, that I couldn’t really listen to anything he was saying. 

One night, he came over with a couple of sandwiches. As I sat on the desk, Kaidan sat on the couch in front of me, legs apart, giving me a perfect wide shot of his groin, the soft fabric of his pants just flowing over it, caressing it, embracing it, all I could think of at that point was how much I wanted to be those pants. He was talking about something regarding fleet orders when I interrupted him and said “Lt, I was just wondering, when are we going to “do it”?”. The question took him by surprise, for a second there, I thought he would bring up his omni-tool and write me up for sexual harassment. “I don’t know commander, what do you have in mind”. I jumped off the desk and headed for the couch, as I grabbed a seat next to Kaidan, I said “well Lt, you see, I would start by kissing you intensely”, and I kissed him, passionately. As I pulled back he asked “hmmmm, so whats next”, I smiled, looking into his eyes as my hands started exploring his body. “Well Lt, next, I…….move south and kiss something I have been dying to kiss since I saw you”. He expected me to kiss his crotch or something in that area, but I focused on his neck. He laughed and said “Well, thats not what I expected you to kiss”. I pulled back and said “I know, did you expect maybe this”, I made my way slowly to his crotch, teasing it slowly with my face, biting it tenderly, very slow over the clothes action. About 5 minutes in, I could feel the pressure about to explode in Kaidan’s pants, but I was enjoying teasing him, laying tender kisses on every part of the region. Finally he cracked “Oh…..Shepard, enough teasing”, “are you sure this is what you want Lt”, he nodded violently, like this was what he needed the most in life, “Ok then”. I slowly proceeded to unzip his pants and pull them off. While he thrusted his pelvis upward, I buried my face in those black, standard alliance issued boxers he had on. I slowly ran my finger through the elastic waist as the anticipation started to eat at us both. This was a beautiful moment for me, after all this time, after staring in the shower, hoping that I could run my lips all over this adonis, now, I am seconds away from doing so. In one swift move, I pulled the underwear below his testicles, revealing all that he had, all that he was, as his manhood slowly hit my face and landed below my nostrils. While I have seen Kaidan in the shower, I never saw him fully erect. It is a different act when you see a guy giving full salute for the first time, it is a moment of great vulnerability for him when he is exposing all that he has to another person, a moment that requires great care and attention. As the pheromones made their way to my erogenous centers, my mouth was getting wetter by the second, like a starving man seeing steak for the first time, I took it all in one serving. 

I have been with a few guys before, casually experimenting what it would feel like, but it never went beyond oral, and it usually took me some time to accept something in my mouth, like the scent was some sort of kinetic barrier that I just couldn’t get past. Despite that, I did see my fair share of guys’ meat in the past, and Kaidan's wasn’t large in male terms, but it was beautiful. In terms of ratios, everything was in perfect alignment, nothing too long, or short or too thick for its head, or too thin, it was an artistic master piece sculptured out of a white marble rock, just as the rest of his body was. Through my past excursions, I picked up some really neat tricks to send a man into an ecstatic coma, by focusing on spots like around the tip of the head and the frenulum, you can easily send waves and waves of pleasure through the guy’s body without forcing a premature launch. Playing with that wonderful dick, and grabbing those beautiful tight balls was awesome, but what followed was even better as Kaidan stood up and took one of my favorite poses, the champion pose. Basically he stood sideways with one leg up on the couch, giving me unconditional and unobstructed access to his ass. I was slowly rubbing his anal sphincter when I realized that I have to put a finger inside that tight hole. I raised my hand to Kaidan’s moaning mouth and soaked my finger in his saliva, all while I was rubbing his shaft with my lips, then I used my saliva-lubed finger to quickly press through his tight hole. Inside, my finger felt like being surrounded by a warm and soft cave. While Kaidan moaned in a tone that hinted at surprise, agony and pleasure, my finger made its way to another important location, his prostate, slowly massaging it, making sure it gets its fair share of this stimulation. As I felt the gland pulsate under my finger, I could also feel all his muscles contract, like a canon preparing itself to fire a deadly blast, he shot his essence straight into my mouth. It was the first time I actually took anything like that from anyone, but it was something I wanted, especially coming from Kaidan. I know how weird and stupid it must seem, but that was the moment I first understood that my body has been preparing for Kaidan for a long time, it was the first time I truly felt that I want Kaidan more than anything.

Kaidan collapsed on the couch, almost passing out, I was very close to eruption at that point, so I took out my rock and beat it till it sprayed all over him. It was heavenly for both of us, it was the first time we did anything of a sexual nature together, and nothing could have been more perfect. I was half disappointed that I didn’t get to do some mouth and penile exploration of the warm caves that my finger was raving about, but I was content that, for now, I know that we can have a normal sexual relationship. If I was to be truly honest with myself, this above all was my greatest fear for us, that somehow I would be inhibited as my previous experiences proved to be and our relationship would never mature past friendship. Turns out, my body belonged to Kaidan long before I ever knew it, and my heart knew that we would be a perfect match together. Pretty sweet for a guy who got his heart broken before.

Anyways, back at Ilos, I was preparing to sleep, when suddenly, Liara walked into the room. I looked at her and said “forget something”, she smiled to me in her usual sweet and caring expression and said “no, I am spending the night with you”. I thought I mis-heard her, with confusion I asked “what?”, she said that the only way she could convince Kaidan to leave was to promise him that she will spend the night here and look out for me, otherwise he wouldn’t have agreed to leave. I was so touched by her gesture, I have always cherished Liara’s friendship and knew she truly cared for me, but this was more than I ever expected, especially considering her condition. I snapped out of my shock and looked at her “Liara you can’t stay here”, she shot a smile back “why not, I want to, I haven’t talked to you in a long time and I miss you”, “yeah, but Liara, we can talk later, a woman in your conditions can’t”. Then I noticed her expression changed from a smile to confusion, “What do you mean John, what condition”. I began to fidget nervously “nothing, my mistake Liara, didn’t mean it, anyways, you still can’t stay though”. Liara looked at me with a suspicious eye, examining every emotional reaction on my face, she finally said “you know”, I looked down a little bit, then back at her, just looking in silence as she said “you know that I am with child, but how, how did you know”. I honestly didn’t know how to answer this question, “I honestly don’t know how, I just saw you glowing and felt something”. She looked in amazement then said “the bonding on earth, I didn’t know that it worked also on humans”. Bonding, I didn’t remember anything about a bonding between me and Liara, oh my god, I started to wonder if I was the father, if somehow I got her pregnant, that would be the worst thing for both our relationships. “Liara, what bonding, whats going on here, am I the father”, she looked back at me with this “don’t be ridiculous” look in her eyes and said “of course not, don’t you think you’ll know if you sired a child, no, remember before you headed out for the final battle, and I held your hands and told you I have a gift for you”, it started coming back to me, I had no idea what she did, I was half hoping it wasn’t some weird thing where I would find my testicle embedded in her womb though, I nodded and said “yeah”, “that was something we called an Asari bonding ritual, it is a common practice between cherished friends in our culture, a memory we can call upon when we miss them and a confirmation of our loyalty and trust for them, that was my gift to you Shepard, my loyalty and trust”, phew, no babies, the world is at peace again. “Wow, Liara I had no idea you…but what did you mean by I didn’t know it worked on humans, what worked on humans”. She looked up to me again and said “well, the bonding ritual between Asari allows them to share more than a memory, you can sense, over close distances, when that person is emotional, or in trouble, you can faintly sense a lot of different things going on in your friends life, one of them is that you can sense when your cherished friend is pregnant”. I finally understood, the bond that Liara instituted that day is the reason why I felt her pregnancy now, it was an unsettling feeling for me, I was extremely honored though. 

Liara made her way to my bad and sat at the edge of it, she smiled at me again as she said “you really thought I would force you to have a child with me, you are desirable Shepard but not that much”. I gave her a look of exclamation, then said “I assume Garrus is the father”, she nodded as I said “aren’t you worried the baby would be born with that awful smile of his”, she laughed and said “no, but I do expect her to come out with her own visor though”. I knew that I was supposed to sleep, but I wanted to talk to Liara much more than I wanted to sleep, so I decided to stay up. “So, Shadow broker, why don’t you tell me whats going on out there, Kai managed to tell me that it was your idea to augment the FTL drive, and you were responsible for achieving the first FTL Jump aboard the Normandy, and he of course told me that it was you who built all this we have here on Ilos”. Liara smiled coyishly as she answered “well, someone had to do something, we can’t all just ignore the warnings of the great commander Shepard, do you know that you are a galactic celebrity now Admiral”, “haha, yeah its John to you Mr. Broker”. We laughed a little as I said “So, tell me about you and Garrus, how are you two doing together”, Liara looked at me with an expression I have never seen before on her, I believe the word smitten would suffice, as she said “it is in our darkest hours that we discover so much about ourselves”, she smiled as she started to reminisce “Garrus, well, he has always been a dear friend to me, he was always there when I needed anyone more than ever. When my mother died, Garrus was there to support me, he let me in on his own mothers death, he empathized with me and made me feel that everything was going to be alright. Then, after the Normandy was destroyed, and after I saw you fall to the planet surface, he consoled me, stood by me every day, even when he went off to be archangel, he didn’t let a day go by without calling me, in fact, it took me a while to know this, but when I was trying to retrieve your body on Omega, Garrus kept an eye on me the whole time. When my number came up, and when I stared the mistress of mortality in her eyes, when I saw my world crumbling, the one person I wanted to be with was him”. I had mixed expressions, on the one hand, her story sounded too cute, but on the other, we are talking about Garrus here, cute and caring are not really part of the deal. I put my other hand on Liara’s as I said “I am really happy you two finally decided to do this”. She looked a little confused as she said “finally, what do you mean”, I chuckled a little and explained “well, it was kind of painfully obvious you two were into each other, I mean c’mon, when he wasn’t calibrating my entire ship he was in the lounge with you, laughing, which is weird because he never knew how to laugh when I met him, and whenever you needed a break from preventing governments demise, you would grab a bite with him at the mess. For crying out loud Liara, you two came to my party together”, her look of confusion intensified as she started to feel, for the first time, that she really didn’t know everything, she said “lots of people came together that night, do you mean to insinuate that EDI, Traynor, Vega and Steve are all having a relationship together”, my chuckle turned into a full blown laugh as I said “well, if they all came in hand in hand, and shared a bottle of wine, I’d say yes. Liara, we all had bets on when you two would finally buck up and take the plunge, it must have been as obvious to you as it was painstakingly obvious to us”. Liara looked shocked, I guess she didn’t know how the human culture worked when it came to issues of the heart, and that seemed to bug her.

After a lo..hong moment of silence, she finally said “well, since we are on the topic, how are things between you and Kaidan”. I laughed at her attempt to change the subject, but, in all honesty, I was happy she did, I needed to talk about me and Kaidan to someone, and Liara was the perfect person to do so with, after all, she knew us both well. I answered her, after a long silent thought, and said “you know, I just called him my boyfriend this morning, first time”. She smiled in a gesture of hallelujah and said “wow, thats is great, John, I am so happy you too finally have a chance to be together, you both deserve this so much”. I think she must have sensed my worries because she said “whats the matter John, whats bothering you”. It took me another second to respond, then I said “I love Kaidan with all my heart, in fact, I don’t think I would have had the determination to come out of all that we have been through alive, if it wasn’t for him, I love him so much Liara”, my eyes started to tear up a bit as I was thinking of what I was saying, which prompted Liara to say “so what is the problem John, Kaidan loves you too”, I looked at her, with teary eyes and said “I know he does Liara, at least for now, but we both know my life won’t be the same, we both know that the simple life I dreamt for us, that life I fought for where its only me and him, together in a small house, with 2 or 3 kids, and a dog maybe, on the beach somewhere back on earth, this life is no longer possible”, she was trying to make sense of what I was saying “Shepard, I really don’t understand…”, I continued, without giving thought to what she was saying “that life, Liara, is gone. I mean how can it not be, I am John Shepard, alliance hero, my life is no longer private or simple. Everyone will want to know what is going on with me, I will be asked for speeches and, and honors and parties and benefits, for someone like me it might be ok, exciting even, but what about Kaidan, Liara, we both know Kaidan won’t be happy with all the spotlight on him, and sooner or later he will crack and leave, and I will end up all alone, I am destined to end up like Jon Grissom Liara, an old bitter man that is trying to escape his life of fame to die alone, peacefully, with nothing but a memory of the man he used to be, the man he merely shadows”. I broke at that point, my tears came down my cheek as I tried to contain myself. Liara slid closer to me and laid one hand on mine as she said “John, I want you to listen to me closely, Kaidan doesn’t just love you, Kaidan adores you to the extent that living without you almost crushed him to non-existence several times, John, I saw how he crumbled each time you were presumed dead. When the Normandy was destroyed the first time, I had to intervene because he was about to kill himself several times, the only thing that got his mind off you was when I pointed him towards helping your mother, and I think only Hannah, your mother, gave him the strength to go on”, she took a breath in silence, probably to contemplate whether she should say what she was about to next, she then said “John, you should have seen him after the Horizon incident, he was a mess, he retired back to his apartment at the Citadel and didn’t leave for several days, getting drunk on days, crying himself to sleep on others”, I didn’t need to ask how she knew what he was doing inside his private apartment, I wasn’t sure I wanted to know that Liara bugged Kaidan’s apartment, she went on “when you two were back together, I could clearly see how happy he was, how alive he became when you entered his life again. Even back on earth, after the battle, he risked death, and nearly lost his life in the gamble to find you. So when you tell me that Kaidan will leave you over a few parties or flashes of fame, I can only tell you that you hit your head harder than we thought, because believe me John, believe the words of the shadow broker when she says that nothing, not even death will come between you two”. Her words were a cold breeze on my fiery heart, although hearing how kaidan agonized over me wasn’t helping, hearing that nothing can come between us was a huge relief. 

I still couldn’t shake the feeling I had that Kaidan will stay till I recover and leave me after, unable to handle the stress of a life in the lights. “Liara, how can he be with me, how can anyone be with someone that is owned by the people, Kaidan had my heart the day I saw him, but I am not sure he will be able to share it, and I don’t know how to assure him that my heart is his, and his only”. Liara shot me a shy smile as she said “Can I ask you something, we both know that Kaidan is, how shall I put this, not a person that opens up easily, I think that he may never open up to you, at least he will never be as open as you are with your feelings towards him, would you consider leaving him for that”. Without hesitation I answered “of course not, I would never leave him”, she smiled and said “so you’d rather have a small part of his heart back and be sure that its all he can give you, than have none of him at all, why do you think the situation is different with him. Again, Kaidan has proven his love for you many, many times, and no one has any doubt that no matter what happens John, Kaidan will always love you”. Her words comforted me, they reminded me of the man I loved, who Kaidan was, how he is. I smiled, remembering everything Kaidan did for me, the love he showed me, with few words, and lots of actions. I continued smiling as I turned to Liara and said “I truly love him you know, and not like I loved before, no, with Kaidan its, its different. You know how many times he brought me back from the edge, how many times his words gave me life again, how his actions spoke higher than anything any mortal ever spoke. For example, with my mom, I know that he says that she helped him out and that her strength is what pulled him through my death, but this couldn’t be further from the truth, I talked to my mom, she told me that Kaidan’s love for her was like nothing she felt before from a stranger, she said that he truly cared for her, like only a son would, like I would, she said that sometimes she felt that Kaidan had a part of me in him. Nothing made my mother so sure of Kaidan’s love as much as these moments did, and I trust my mothers judgement”. Liara smile proudly as she said “well, tell me more”. As if she didn’t know everything already, but I did enjoy talking about what a great “boyfriend” I had, so I took the bait “do you know that all through our time together, which was like 2 month, on and off, Kaidan never asked for anything for himself. He would always ask something for the ship or the crew, but never once did he ask me for something he needed or wanted. Even when his students were in trouble, he took care of it himself. Do you know that he knows every member in the crew, not just name or rank, but their birthdays, their families, their hopes, everything there is to know about each member, Kaidan already knows. When I first came on the Normandy, I noticed how he interacted with everyone, he was so loved, not because of rank or skill, but because of how he stood by and took care of everyone, he took care of me most of all”. You know how when you talk about a loved ones, your eyes glisten, well it happened here as the tears were rolling down my cheek. Liara seemed to enjoy what I was saying, and in all honestly, I was enjoying the feeling, like I am re-exploring Kaidan all over again, falling for him again. Liara then said “go on, what else”, like a teenager in school, excited at hearing what love is, I didn’t disappoint as I added with a chuckle “well, what else can I tell you, oh, you know no matter how angry he is, or gets, if I just went over, hugged him and gave him a kiss, he would forget all. Even after all he’s been through with Rahna, he still has a huge capacity for forgiveness. You know what I love the most about Kaidan though, how his brow twitches when he is reading his mission reports, how he likes to cook, and hums when he is too lost in thought, god, I never realized any of that before”. Liara seems happy, she looked like she had a mission accomplished banner behind her, but in all honesty, she did accomplish something good, I finally got out how I felt about Kaidan.

After discussing my love life for a while, we got to talking about the general spirit of dating that has been going on, I said “so, we have you and Garrus, Vega and Jack, Tali and Kal, Anderson and Kahlee, and finally, I’d be willing to bet on it, my mom and hackett, am I missing anyone”, Liara thought a little and said “well, Joker and EDI”, “Yeah but these are old news”, she smiled and said “right, oh, how about Traynor and Diana Allers”. Shock, only shock came over as I said “Diana, Traynor, what the hell, are you kidding me”, Liara laughed as she shook her head “no, they got together after the battle, there is still more couples, we have Gabriella and Donnelly, but they are pretending it is a secret relationship, probably the worst kept secret ever, and finally Cortez and Adams”. “Ok let me ask this then, are there any single individuals left”, Liara took a second, lost in thought, then she chuckled as she said “I am not sure, does Aria count”, “well, I guess I am happy for all of them. Its true then, survival is the best aphrodisiac”. We talked a little more about how those weird couples formed, and who we thought would get married first, it was a tie between me and Kaidan, Joker and EDI, and Liara and Garrus. 

I needed to ask Liara a few things that were biting at me, namely about the Normandy, the council, the citadel and in general the state of the galaxy after the reaper’s defeat. “Admiral Hackett thought a lot about what to do with the Normandy, after a lot of pressure from us, he decided that the Normandy will always have one commander, and that commander is John Shepard”, I was relieved when I heard that the Normandy was still under my command, I couldn’t really imagine leading any other ship, Liara continued “The ship is in the colony’s docks. As for the council and the citadel, well, the citadel was destroyed and with it the council dissolved, but Hackett has been working to create a new council, he calls it the Guardian council, it consists of 5 races, the original 3, the humans and the Krogan, all united under the leadership of the Alliance”, “wait, did you say the Krogan, they have a seat on the council now”. Liara answered immediately “it took a while to get all races aboard, but with all they sacrificed, no one could ignore what they did for us all. The human and Turian councilors put in a lot of effort though. The new councilors should have their maiden session in about a week or 10 days, they will be meeting on earth, as a tribute to the efforts of the Alliance to secure the galaxy’s freedom. Also, there will be no more embassies, under request from the Alliance, a senate of all council species would be formed, where sessions would be held, and all decisions would be sent to the guardian council for approval. The Alliance says that we need a different structure, a more unified galactic community”. “All this happened in six weeks, in six weeks we managed to revolutionize interstellar travel, assign a new council, make peace with the Krogan and Salarians, and place an initiative for having a galactic senate. How is that possible?”, Liara laughed and marveled at the progress accomplished so far, she said “well, the Alliance has really been a beacon in the darkness, the Shadow broker of course had his hand in all this, but the credit goes to Hackett and Anderson”. I was proud of the alliance, even in the darkest hour, humans stepped up and took the lead, we never gave up, we never demanded anything in return, we just stepped up, committed all our resources, and gave it our best shot, and we won. 

The rest of the night we talked about all kind of things, we talked about some of the technologies Liara uncovered from the Mars archives, we talked more about some of the Shadow brokers interests. We talked about how amazing it is that the Quarians are back to their home, after 3 centuries of wondering in space ships, having a planet was a final cherry, also, having peace with the Geth, and having the Geth help out not only the Quarians but the galactic community. Liara even discussed the fact that the Alliance postponed all celebrations till I was back on earth, Hackett insisted that the person responsible for all this has to be present, that a celebration would not be complete without me, she did let it slip that the celebrations were going to be huge, and that it would be across at least 18 worlds, maybe more. We then, somehow, found our way back to relationships, how it was weird that Vega and Jack were hooking up, the biotic and the human tank, shacking up. I had a lot of questions, like who is wilder in bed, my bet is on Jack, Vega just seemed like the guy who just powers through. Liara told me that Tali finally took off her mask on Rannoch, she said that she was actually quiet hot by human standards, and not far off. She also told me that Wrex was expecting his first born soon, a son he was going to name Shep, and Grunt was having a kid too. Samara went back to the monastery to spend some time with her last daughter. Zaeed went back to Omega to take control of the blue suns, he made a deal with Aria, stay out of his business and he will stay out of hers. Javik decided to retire to a peaceful planet, about a week after the battle, and no one ever heard from him again. 

Liara then brought up the elephant in the room, Miranda Lawson, the new head of Cerberus. To my surprise, Liara was actually supportive of Miranda’s actions as she explained “After Miranda took over, I planted some of the Shadow broker’s agent in her entourage, I wanted to make sure that she would not be swayed back to their old ways, I added some, lets say precautionary measures. From the reports I got so far, Miranda started purging all of Cerberus’s old agents, making sure that all old contacts were eliminated”. “What, she killed her contacts”, Liara looked a little concerned “yes, she needed to make sure that all died with them before she starts again. After she took care of Cerberus, she wanted a new image, a new corporation, so she consolidated Cerberus’ resources with her father’s and created Olympus corp. This new corporation has been helping many species regain their previous stature, for instance they are currently building a space yard for the alliance, they provided dreadnoughts to regions that required extra protection from the mercs, they even sent materials to help rebuild Thessia. But then”, Liara paused a little as I said “but what?”, “well, reports are coming in now saying that Miranda is building something big”, I looked at her in amazement “another space station to replace the one we destroyed”, she looked worried “not exactly, I am told she is building a ship, something that would make the destiny ascension seem like a space shuttle by comparison”. The news were worrying, why would Miranda be building something like that, Liara continued “my reports say this new Olympus flagship has the new specs for the jump drive, also, I’ve been told the weaponry aboard is derived from reaper tech. My informants mentioned that the mass effect reactor constructed is, well, nothing of that scale has ever been attempted before. Shepard, it seems that this new ship is a new class, a massive destroyer if you will. If completed, this new vessel will be unmatched, and Olympus, Miranda will have uncontrolled reign over the galaxy”. “Should we let her complete it, I think we need to take it out before it becomes operational”, Liara weighed the options before speaking again “well, we could, however, I had my agents plant what you call “Trojan beasts””, “you mean Trojan Horses”, “Yes, I had them plant explosives, hidden in the ship’s structure, I also had some planted in the main reactor core room. They also manipulated the ship’s control system to allow a bug to slip through. I figured that if Miranda wants to use her new Behemoth for good, then she should, but incase this ship is ever in war against us, we would then blow it up, Miranda along with it”. Liara paused for an instant, then added “but my instincts tell me that she doesn’t want to use it for war, I think she will use it as a mobile base of operations for the new Cerberus, or Olympus. I think she wants to show the power she is wielding, and she wants to make sure that if any old Cerberus acquaintances still exist, they get the message that she is in power now. Regardless of her motives, I think, as long as we have an eye on her, she should be allowed to have her chance”. Liara’s news was troubling, to say the least, a star destroyer, that could take out any ship in the galaxy, all under Miranda’s control, it couldn’t be that Miranda wanted to intimidate others, she always knew how to do that without guns or canons, something else was going on here. 

Another question was bothering me and I knew that only Liara could answer it, “Liara, I need a truthful answer here, how many humans survived”. Liara looked weary, obviously the question took her by surprise. she looked away for an instant then said “John, its really early to tell, a full assessment has not been confirmed yet”, “Liara, how many”, she continued her sorrowful look “I am afraid the confirmed number we have so far is just above half a billion, thats on earth, we don’t know about the colonies”. A very sharp pain emerged beneath my spine as I said “half a billion, from eleven to half a billion. All those people, all those children, families, and for what, if the Alliance or the council listened to us 4 years ago, this wouldn’t have happened”. “John, even if we tried to prepare, the reapers were a powerful force, we are lucky our damages was limited to that number. The reports show that no species has undergone complete extinction, planets were eradicated, but all space faring creatures survived, and thats all thanks to you John”. The fact that no species were lost did comfort me a little, but still, to loose all these lives. I was grateful for Liara’s honesty, I was also relieved that the human species will get to see another century, and many more. 

Liara comforted me for a while, told me more about things that were happening in the galaxy, for example, the Krogan were rebuilding Tutchanka, and they have made a tremendous effort, they were also settling on new settlements. Palaven was being restored, the Turian Hierarchy was not sparing any expense in the new constructions, updated defenses, ground assault cannons, they even began construction on 17 new dreadnoughts. The Asari and the Salarians had their fair share of damages, but they are taking their time, making sure their culture is safe as much as their constructions. Races like the Volus, the Hanar, the Elcor, the Batarians and more were also doing fine, the galaxy as a whole seems to be in good shape. I also asked Liara about the Leviathans, apparently after the reaper threat, they disappeared, they picked up and left with no trace. Liara said that they tried tracking the Leviathans several times, but in vain, somehow I have the feeling we will be seeing them again, I don’t when or where, but I know that the Leviathans aren’t gone for good.

By the time we were done talking, dawn was starting to come up, Liara mentioned something about wanting to work a little before morning, I assured her that I was fine and that I was going to sleep a little before Kaidan came back, I insisted she leaves to attend to her needs, I only asked her to be back before Kaidan comes. While it took some convincing, Liara agreed to leave the room, but only because she was going to work from the next room, she also set a call button in case I needed anything from her. Liara finally left, but before she did, she asked me “John, not that its any of my business but did you happen to see the footage”, “What footage”, Liara tilted her head and shot me a smile as she said “the video footage the nurse gave you this morning”, I looked at her in amusement and said “I knew you had something to do with it, I don’t know how, but I just knew it”. Liara’s smile intensified, as if she knew that I suspected that she was behind that, she said “well, watch it John, it will answer a lot of your questions towards Kaidan’s feelings, and it will answer any doubt you have in your heart about Kaidan’s love for you. Just don’t tell him that you watched it, or that I had anything to do with it”, I shot Liara a hearty smile as I said “well, I already saw him save my life, so I think I have a good idea of Kaidan’s feelings, but I do appreciate your help”. “thats not even the best part, keep watching and you’ll know what I mean”. As Liara left the room my curiosity towards the footage intensified greatly, what could be on there that was greater than saving my life. Although I wanted to watch the video immediately, I was too sleepy, I had been up for quite some time and it has been a day filled with events, I learned about new couples, new governments, new technologies and much more, most importantly, I learned that the galaxy will have a new dawn. I darkened the room, and slowly dozed off, back to the darkness. 

I think it was noon, or something like that when I woke up, the sun was in the middle of a clear blue sky, the light was barely dripping in the room, but somehow, it looked so serene. Waking up this time was less disorienting, it wasn’t like last time, but Kaidan wasn’t in the room, well, yet anyways, I was alone. I finally got some time to myself to reflect on what I had learnt so far, the reapers were gone, earth had 500 million souls still breathing, garrus and Liara were going to have a blue baby asari soon, wrex and grunt were having children too, Vega and Jack were shacking up, Sam and Traynor, Joker and Edi, Cortez and Alex, Hackett and my mom. If that all was not enough, we now have new technologies that will enable instantaneous travel, there is a guardian council that should overlook the galaxy’s security and a new galactic senate to manage trade policies and diplomatic agendas. A lot has happened, and I was sure that this was just the start of it all, an exciting new era that just began. After sitting up for a while, thinking over all that happened and all that will happen, I suddenly remembered the footage Liara sent me, she said that I should see it, that it will show something about Kaidan that I haven’t seen before, something that should remove all doubt from my heart about his love for me. By now I was dead curious and decided that I need to see what was going on, so I turned the privacy setting on, and prepared myself for whatever I was about to see.

The 3d image of my room shot up again, the footage continued from where I paused, Kaidan was holding my hand, with tears in his eyes. The video started to fast forward as nothing was moving, about 3 hours went by, during which Kaidan remained next to me, holding my hand, he didn’t move an inch during all this time. Liara came in the room to talk to him twice or so, although the video was in fast forward, I could see that she was trying to convince him of something, and he was objecting strongly, if I had to guess, Liara was trying to convince Kaidan to leave for the night, get some rest. When the footage returned to normal speed, the heart monitor’s beep gave out once before flatlining, Kaidan stood back quickly as Dr’s came into the room, rushing to my bed, trying all they can to revive me, while Kaidan collapsed in the corner. It took about 4 minutes before they got a beat back, and maybe an extra 2 to make sure it is sustained. As the Dr’s were leaving, Karin came in the room, got briefed by some Dr, then headed for Kaidan and said “We got lucky this time, but I am not sure how many times we’ll get”, Kaidan looked at her with a look of grief mixed with disbelief as he said “Doc, please tell me he can make it through, please say he’ll make it”, Karin smiled and said “Kaidan, there is always hope, and knowing the commander, if anyone could make it through, he can. Just talk to him Kaidan, maybe your voice can guide him back. Anyways, he’s stable for now, let’s hope he can make it through”. Kaidan seemed a little relieved as Karin left the room, he then proceeded back next to my bed.

Kaidan kept quite for a while, he then grabbed my hand and began to speak in a tone that was so soft and so quite that I wasn’t sure if he was even speaking, I had to raise the volume to its maximum to hear, I am glad I did because what I heard next, nothing, I repeat nothing could have replaced. With a gentle smile, tears in his eyes and a minor shiver, Kaidan spoke and said:

“Shepard, Shepard, I don’t know where to start, I……I guess I can start by saying, remember back in the SR-1, before we got together, before I fell for you, you gave me this list of books, you said something about how you learned what love was by reading those stories. I remember you recommended Pride and Prejudice, that book from the nineteenth century author. When I read it, I didn’t understand why you stressed it, but a few weeks later I did, the book talked about us, I was Liz and you were Darcy, I thought you were this arrogant guy when I first met you, but you turned out to be the best thing ever. hmmm, I guess what I am trying to say is that I was wrong John, I….I wish I wasn’t so blind back then, I wish we had that time back. John, you didn’t just bewitch me, mind and soul, you have taken all that I never knew I could offer, all that I am, and turned it into much more. Shepard, you didn’t just give me your life, you gave mine back, after what Rahna did, you took a shattered man with no hope of ever feeling love again, and gave him more than he ever knew existed in him. I don’t just love you John, I adore you, I…I don’t know how to describe it, but it feels like my heart and soul are no longer mine, they don’t belong to me anymore, but they are yours, and I wish nothing back, nothing in return, just you.

I miss you Shepard, and I can’t imagine my life without you. Please, you can’t leave me now, after I found you again, you can’t. John, fight, just fight for us. And Shepard, this time, this time when you return, I won’t let you go, and I promise I will tell you what I should have told you from the first day I realized how I felt, I will tell you that life itself will no longer be worth living without you, that spending the rest of my life with you is only the beginning of what I want, that I never imagined myself to be so lucky as to earn the love of a man like you, and that all, all that I am today, all that I have become is because of you. I want you back John, I really want you back”. Kaidan finished his words with tears flowing down his cheeks. He sat in silence for some time, holding my hand, just tearing out and breathing. 

The words rushed through me like blaze of fire, warming every part of my body. I never felt this much affection from Kaidan, I never knew that he felt this way about me. I was willing to live my life with him, knowing only a little about how he felt for me, but after watching this, how can I not believe that no matter what, Kaidan and I will make it through. I loved Kaidan before watching this, but now, I want to spend my life trying to show him half the love he showed me in these few words. Coming from someone like me, it may seem like ordinary talk, but coming from Kaidan, that is more than I ever could have hoped for. 

With tears in my eyes, I continued the footage, even though I felt that I saw already what Liara wanted me to see, I just wanted to make sure there is nothing else, and I am glad I did. The next morning finally came, and Karen told Kaidan that it seems I was stable, and that the danger zone has passed, after two or three near death misses, it seems I would make it. The next hour or so in the footage went by in a faster pace, many people came to visit me over the next couple of days, Hackett, Anderson, Joker, EDI, Tali, Garrus, Wrex, Grunt..and many more of my crew came by, even Mom eventually came, all during which, Kaidan was there, making sure that they were kept up to date. When Liara was visiting and trying to convince Kaidan to leave for the night, and he stubbornly refused, she asked if she could bring him something, he said yes “Please, in Shepard’s quarters, there is a data pad with some books on it, can you please bring it by”, “Of course”. An hour later, Liara came back with the data pad and gave it to Kaidan. After she left, Kaidan started to read, well, to read out loud to me, he started with my favorite book “Pride and Prejudice”, and everyday since then, he would read for me something, Until the day I woke up, Kaidan sat next to my bed everyday, reading to me, eating next to me, and sleeping on that tiny couch. Another footage that touched me dearly was one where Kaidan had one of his massive headaches, I know how horrible and painful they can be, I used to have to hold him, quietly for a whole night for him to get better. It struck him again, but this time, he refused to leave, he sat on the couch in agony, not even screaming so as not to disturb me. Even when the nurses and Dr’s came in to try and convince him to go into the next room, he wouldn’t leave, eventually they hooked him up to some meds, here, in my room.

I finished the footage feeling a whole lot more emotional than I started, what I saw in that video was heart warming, to say the least. I looked out the window, at the beautiful horizon, and I couldn’t help but smile, at that moment, I knew that no matter what, Kaidan and I will make it through. My eyes were tearing up again, I don’t know what the reason was this time, but I just felt like letting the rush of emotions take its toll on me as I sat here, waiting for the love of my life to come in, and hoping that I never have to see him leave again. I may have saved the galaxy from death, but Kaidan was the one who saved me, and he was the one I am going to spend eternity with. I just knew it.

**Author's Note:**

> I am just starting Part 3, so it might take a while. But please let me know if you want Part 3 posted or not.


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